I have had an eating disorder most of my life and a poor body image.
I had no idea I had an eating disorder. I was given a huge wakeup call, which forced me to shine a light on how I was living my life and question what true health was really all about. My wakeup call was when I developed adult cystic acne and I wanted to get rid of it, fast!
Let’s rewind back to my childhood. I grew up in a very stressful household. It had a very stressful energy. My father was a very stressed person and was not calm in most situations. It wasn’t intentional, but I absorbed that stress into my cells.
An innocent passing comment from my father ended up being such a driving force in my life. He told me when I was about 12 that if I ate sweets I would get fat.
I collapsed these words into my whole being − my body image, my confidence, and the way I lived my life. The intention of these words was not meant to have such an impact, but they did.
From then on, I was terrified of getting fat, lived with that fear, and devoted my life to not getting fat.
And that’s when my eating issues were born. I developed anorexia and then orthorexia.
I had no confidence as I hated my body and to me, I collapsed that to hating myself as a person. I didn’t know how to disconnect the two.
My journey led me to a more holistic way of living and intuitively, I realised it was related to the stress I had unnecessarily put on myself, my body, and my heart.
It was the stress of living my entire life without being authentic and without showing or being myself at all.
I also realised that the way I was eating and thinking about food was causing me to create such tension and stress in my body, it was holding me back from achieving other goals.
The difficult part of my journey was to allow myself to be in the dark night of the soul in the yucky mush, feel the feelings and be aware of my feelings, and not fight it, and then I could be released as a butterfly, and I was.
The greatest gems of wisdom that helped my healing were having compassion without judging myself. To me, it was a foreign concept that you could be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend.
Expressing your emotions, being vulnerable and letting go is the key to being strong, and mentally happy and healthy. This is what allows you to let love in for yourself and for others.
Whenever I feel negative toward my body it’s really not my body at all but what’s going on inside my head. And that’s where the emotions and love and compassion come to play.
I invite you to stop and shine a light on your life, open up, let go, be vulnerable, and became aware of how you really feel about your body. Be honest with yourself as you are not alone. Body image and weight is not a personal issue, it’s a collective issue, and awareness is the first step to making significant shifts.
LOVE and EMBRACE yourself!