I suspect I am currently having a relapse. I do not have the type of MS where the average outsider would know I am sick. In fact, I do not consider myself as being sick. I don’t have drop foot or balance issues. My two big issues are pain and fatigue and you could say the last 6 weeks or so have been an exercise in retaining hopefulness. All I can say is that I know why Elizabeth Taylor became addicted to drugs and alcohol.
I know with the lifestyle I have adopted that they say you need to embrace it for a minimum of 3 – 5 years to gain what would be termed full health. I know that I have been so good for so long that to have a relapse is expected. Sometimes though it is hard. When your steps literally feel like they are dragging through concrete, when it is difficult to stand upright, when you have to take painkillers, and wrap yourself around a hot water bottle to get through an afternoon you can feel like smashing Pollyanna in the head with a baseball bat.
The thing is that even when I hate the b**** and want to stab her eyes out, I really love her. And there are always reasons to be glad. Times like this make me so grateful for all the wonderful things I have and grateful for the majority of the time when I feel well. When I am feeling so tired that I can’t get up I think of my boy and girl children and friends who make me laugh. For some reason it also makes me feel overwhelming feelings of violence towards negative vicious people so I tend to increasingly avoid these types of people. It also makes me want to spoil myself with things I love – like food.
Food makes me happy. I am obsessed with food. It puts me in my happy place.
This afternoon I decided to ramp up my chocolate cakes so I could sit in front of My Kitchen Rules and enjoy something beautiful. My Kitchen Rules also makes me realise that no matter how bad my life is, I am doing ok because I am not one of those nitwits on the show and after eating my chocolate cake I can usually find a hysterical recap!
This is my ‘go to’ chocolate cake recipe that I have used before. This version was made into more of a dessert with the addition of raspberries and raspberry coulis. My boy child said they were so good that ‘his brain exploded in his head’. I have to be honest though, as my girl child burst into tears and dramatically sobbed at the table that ‘she could not bear fruit in cakes.’ I suspect both of them might have my sense of the dramatic and something akin to my obsession with food.
Vegan Raspberry Chocolate Cake with Raspberry Coulis
This recipe makes one large cake or 12 mini chocolate cakes
Pre-heat oven to 160 degrees Celsius (fan forced)
Grease your chosen tin and line with baking paper
- 420 gram plain flour
- 400 gram caster sugar
- 90 gram cocoa power
- 2 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
- 500ml water
- 190 ml olive oil
- 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
- 2 teaspoons vanilla essence
- 2 cups of raspberries
Sift together the dry ingredients. In separate bowl, mix together wet ingredients.
Combine the dry ingredients with the wet ingredients and mix with beater.
At the very end, fold in the raspberries.
Bake for 25-30 minutes for smaller cakes or 45-60 minutes for large cake.
- 1/2 cup caster sugar
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup raspberries + 1/2 cup raspberries
Place in saucepan over low heat until sugar dissolves. Place in blender and vitamise until smooth. Return to saucepan and simmer over low heat until coulis reduces. Take off heat and add another 1/2 cup of raspberries.
Serve with as much coulis as you desire. This cake is beautiful while still warm.