If you’ve recently broken up with your significant other, you may have found yourself considering the easy way out, and no one blames you. You saw the disappointment on their face, felt the pressure in your chest, or the tears begin to well in their eyes, and the words just seemed to slip out: “we can still be friends?”
Now, in case you’re wondering whether it was actually a good idea, we’re here to let you know that (sorry about this) – it wasn’t. Here’s why;
1. It Probably Means You’re a D***
A recent study from Oakland University found that people with “dark personality traits” tended to opt for staying friends with their exes for “strategic reasons”. You might be the unattached one, but if you’re pursuing a friendship, it probably means that one or both of you still carry a flame for the other. There’s a very real possibility that you can tell they’re still into you, and that you’re keeping them around because you like the attention. Basically, you could become the manipulative, crazy ex that everyone fears.
2. You Need to Kick the Habit
There are obviously still parts of this person that you like, so why can’t you just keep all of those bits, and throw out the bad with the relationship? You’re used to messaging this person every night and seeing them all the time, so by keeping them around you’re not breaking any habits, and will likely still think of them in the same way as a result. It seems like you’re diluting the pain of losing them, but it’s really just prolonging it. Cry it out and then move right along. You’ll be happy you did.
3. It Would Be a Weird Friendship
You know each other way too well, if you know what we mean. Friends should be able to talk to each other about everything in their lives. Can you really imagine being comfortable talking to them about your new partner? Or, worse, having them tell you about how much happier they are with another person than they were with you? We didn’t think so. Even if you do manage to avoid delicate topics, you’ll only be competing with each other to see who’s doing better now that you’re not together anymore. Not fun.
4. You’re Going to Second Guess Yourself a Lot
Seeing each other much less frequently and taking away all of the baggage that comes with a relationship means you and your ex will be looking at each other through rose-coloured glasses. Soon enough, all of your bad memories will magically disappear and you won’t be able to remember why you even broke up in the first place. You might even decide you want to give it another go, and wind up in the same spot. Going through all of that again? It sounds like a lot of pain for no gain.
5. It’ll Be Harder to Find Someone New
You’re not going to be completely open to finding someone new until your ex is completely out of the picture. Even when you do find someone, if your ex is still in your life, you’re inevitably going to compare the two (constantly). It’s not good for you to be dealing with that conflict, and it’s certainly not fair for the person you’re dating if you’re still tied up with someone else. There’s only room for one in the little love part of your brain, and they deserve better.
In the end, it’s up to you. If it works for you both, and you can honestly say that there’s nothing on this list that would bother you, then go for it. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.
If you have managed to form a great friendship with your ex, we definitely want to hear about it in the comments below.