Who remembers that 2011 movie with Anna Faris, What’s Your Number?
If you don’t, to recap, the film revolves around a woman who endeavours to find her life partner after learning that her “number” (the amount of men she had had sexual relations with) was too high and put her in a vulnerable position of never marrying.
Regardless of the fact that the film isn’t really that great, it does raise interesting points about our own “number” and what it means.
And don’t we all think about it? Too high, too low, we all have our own concerns over what is the perfect “number”.
But this ancient idea of ranking how many people you’ve been with to determine your worth is old news, and here’s why you need to drop it for good.
You aren’t a score board.
Relationships aren’t a sport or game. There is no announcer at the end of your life summing up how you went and whether you won or not. The number of people you date has absolutely no effect on your future, nor your partner’s future. It is an arbitrary, uninteresting detail.
At the end of your life, 1 doesn’t mean a loss and 12 doesn’t mean a win (and vice versa), so there’s no real reason to tally it up. Treating each relationship as a point on your scoreboard doesn’t do anything but undermine the relationships you’ve had or not had, and thus turn these relationships into mere accessories as opposed to genuine human connections.
Every person has different wants and needs.
Some people thrive over human connection, others prefer keeping it to a minimum. The decision to be with a number of people or not isn’t a matter of value as a person, but a matter of personality and personal preference.
It’s similar to being an introvert or an extrovert; if one person feels energized staying at home while the other lives off socializing regularly, are either of them any better than the other? Of course not.
Ditch the idea that it matters and let yourself enjoy as little or as much contact with people as you like. It’s your life, after all.
It is old fashioned and sexist.
This isn’t the 1950’s anymore. Our society is constantly changing, from our kitchen appliances to how we use a phone. This goes the same with attitudes. Determining values based on them being “traditional” and “old fashioned” is stubborn and only holds us back. There are plenty of “traditional” attitudes that I can name that wouldn’t be taken so kindly today.
How many women are ridiculed as promiscuous and worthless because they’ve had numerous sexual partners? What about women that haven’t had any that are named a prude, or men who are called losers? The entire attitude is based solely on perpetuating patriarchal notions that women are objects, and that men need to reaffirm their masculinity through relationships. Sexism just isn’t cool.
So stop stressing over boring numbers and let your relationships just be what you want them to be.
So long as you’re safe and consensual, you should feel free to enjoy relationships how you like them, as many or as few as you wish.